Esau and Jacob Toldot/Generations


This week’s Torah portion Toldot, is one that brings up memories for me…bad memories…of my mother making excuses for my brother every Monday morning as I revealed bruising from being repeatedly beaten. “Boys will be boys,” she said each time I sobbingly told her of the previous night’s terror that I endured…again…

While in this week’s Torah portion, it does appear that there were eventual reconciliation and forgiveness, during a few Midrashes I have listened to regarding this Torah portion, some have questioned if authentic forgiveness was given…was there actual reconciliation. Was it just a truce?

In my life,  one brother is deceased from a methadone overdose. The remaining brother is a fan of Harry Potter and South Park and an arch-enemy of Christians, hence, we remain at odds with one another. An apology has been given to me for  “any  way I have hurt you” has been voiced and forgiveness given, still, there remains a separation between us, although we live in close proximity, we remain far away in the heart department.

Yes, this particular Torah portion does bring up memories, of not just my brothers, but the betrayal of my other family members, mother, father, grandparents. Being the baby girl of thefamily, it puzzles me that I was treated so poorly. In retrospect, the preoccupation of the adults in my life with their own marital issues must have left them blind to what was taking place under their own roof, on their watch.

Toldot means generations. One of the huge revelations for me in my recovery journey is the generational dysfunction that I was born into. My grandmother was a hardcore alcoholic that turned mean when she drank. My father was most definitely traumatized as a little boy and had to adopt survival skills to make it through his growing up years. My mother did not fare any better, with an alcoholic father and a not-so-nice stepfather.

One cannot give what they do not have to give.

The last few Torah portions bring up some deep ponderings as to the state of the family units. Marrying more than one woman, having a multitude of children with different women, some women favored,  is such a foreign concept to we Westerners.

I want to share with you some of the insight taken for the Life Recovery Bible on this Torah portion.

What is going on in your own life, either presently or in the past, that this may trigger some emotions that either need to be felt, grieved and released, or perhaps some things that Abba has delivered you from and you can rejoice and be glad that you are so loved by Creator that He has delivered you and healed you…I would love to hear from you. Please, let us pray for one another as we enter into a very different season for all humans…




Shedding Snake Skins Episode One Adam And Eve


Welcome to Episode One; Adam and Eve!

As we explore Torah Portions week after week, there is a wealth of recovery principles to be gleaned that will assist us all in becoming who we are called to be…

Sheddings snake skins, as I like to call it, is a process and it is not an easy process. To go deep takes time and one needs support in this journey to the heart of the Father, as I like to call it…

So, I hope you will join me as we, together, shed of all the layers of lies that encumber our ability to walk into His kingdom, free.

Free…from the lies, from the delusions, from the faulty roles we took on as little children trying to survive a crazy chaotic family that was less than supportive, loving, and kind…

Come to the Well…drink…be refreshed


Leaving My Father’s House

Reading the Torah portions Lekh Lekha, along with the Torah portion after that, Vayera, I ponder my own journey away from my earthly father’s home. The fear of remaining stuck under that oppressive atmosphere along with fear of the unknown created turmoil within my soul The Father beckoned me to leave all that I had grown accustomed to in order to follow His ways and His path

Releasing all that I learned under his tutorage and grasping His tutorage, freedom ensued. It took supernatural faith to continue to walk out of the dark pit of deceptions that plagued the generations before me…alcoholism, domestic abuse, religious spirits along with a host of other maladies the plagued my family tree…faith in Yeshua’s sacrifice kept me reaching out to His hand to guide me in The Way…

One of the great challenges was to embrace Torah…instructions in Hebrew…and leave man-made religious institutions…to leave the traditions of man, to leave my mother’s faith (in which I returned to when He delivered me from the lifestyle of an addict.)  I was to embrace Him and His ways.

The journey to the heart of The Father requires leaving both our earthly father and mothers’ house if it is built on faulty foundations of deception…

The Father is calling, do you hear His voice? Do you dare shema? Do you dare leave all that you have ever known in order to embrace His kingdom’s ways?


Leaving Home Photograph by Lee Avison